He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
