Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
