i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
