Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
