6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
