Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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