"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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