Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
