I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
