Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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