If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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