im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
