burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
