Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
