I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
