I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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