I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
