just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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