brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
