idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
