Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
