He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
