He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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