his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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