I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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