**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
