god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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