gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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