Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
