mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
