so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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