Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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