I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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