It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
