Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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