I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
