Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
