he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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