There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
