i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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