You can't motorboat a personality
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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