Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
