I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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