Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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