Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
