just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
