two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
