You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
