when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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