I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
