I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
