If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
