if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
