i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
